That's Just Life

Women should know that they can rule the world. How? Because a real man can’t resist a woman he is in love with. I personally would do anything for the woman I love. Call it a flaw in a man but it is a flaw I am happy to have. But you know the worst thing and the thing I hate the most is when a woman realizes that they can rule a man they take it to a whole other step. The woman that realizes this power over man and abuses it is now the very worst woman in my eyes and is now the reason why women hate other women. But I guess it is alright because real men tend to not want anything to do with that kind of woman and anyway the power that women have over men only applies when the man is in love with the woman.

“______” I love you… is something that I have been wanting to tell a girl since high school but my cowardliness and my self-doubt has always gotten in the way. That and the fact that she would not feel how I feel even if we were together back in those days. But everything changes in time and with me, my feelings for her keep a balance between love and hate, always tilting towards love more than hate but when I hate, I hate with all my love and when I love, I love with all my love. I have to admit that I am blinded by how I feel about her and because of that I don’t really see her for her and I guess I feel in love with the idea of her. So in the end I realize that in this time of hating her with all my love I never actually loved her.

I also realize that the ones around me the one I considered to be my friend was the real one I should have been falling in love with even if the ones around me didn’t approve I always felt that it should have been her rather than the one I thought I loved. Now it is too late and nothing can be done to reverse it. So your wondering how it feels? Well it feels bittersweet, I mean I am glad that everything got out in the open for me to see things in their whole truth but it hurts that I can’t do anything.

Who knows maybe in the years to pass this one I might look back and see that my time here didn’t mean anything in the course of my life and that what I think is important now and worth keeping will mean nothing to me and I will feel stupid thinking that I thought it was worth it.
It is weird how one person can make you love or hate an entire country. I mean I found the person that made me love this country so much, one for Indonesia as well and England as well but I haven’t meet a girl that made me love where I was born, well I still love the place I was born in even when it is infested with crime now. Never mind this paragraph I’m just babbling.
I don’t like to listen to love songs but I only listen to love songs when I am heart broken so if you ever see me listening to love songs you know why. But if I am in love I listen to happy, feel good songs, that is just how I am, those who are like me know what I am talking about.

You know I have always wondered how I would have been treated if I wasn’t this fat kid lost in thought and looking at the sky all the time when I grew up. I don’t like to fight, for example when I was in the 4th grade I got pissed because my classmates wouldn’t ever pass me the ball when we were playing basketball so I grabbed the ball and tossed it in the face of one of my classmates and later I was crying because I didn’t want to hurt anyone but the emotion I felt made me lose control of myself and I quickly apologized to my classmate.

I grew up in the better part of my life without my father and when I think about my dad it reminds me that I am luckier than most. I mean my dad may have missed some crucial times with his family but I totally understand and I fully appreciate what he is doing and I don’t want to make this sound bad for him but he should have been here during my teen life because I was missing that strong hand to guide me in my life so I had to rely on myself which is alright but I think my life would be different if my dad was here.

I will have no class for another 6 months after new years which some might think is really nice for me but for me it is so boring having nothing to do and just waiting till time has come to do something important.I am getting older and I realize that but I just don't want to make a mistake even if when I don't want to I constantly do.

Anyway that's all for now I will keep you posted... Caio.